Monday, November 20, 2006


Just got back from a 6-month prison sentence. I mean, of having no internet at home. GOD, it was horrible. The landscapers accidentally cut the phone lines to our building this spring, and for multitude of mundane reasons, I never got the DSL turned back on. Mainly, because I heard Verizon was laying fiber optic in my neighborhood, so I thought, "Oh, I'll just wait for fiber, it won't be long." That was six months ago. My friends would look at me and ask, "How can you stand it???" At first it was hard. I'd come home from work and pace the floor, wondering what to do with myself. I found a crutch in cable TV, but only for a short while - even Steven Colbert cannot fill the unending void left behind when the light goes out on the router and you're staring, alone in the dark as the last phosphors of your monitor fade into a cold, inky black.

But now, I'm BACK and with a vengence, 'cuz now, I have FIOS - FIBER OPTIC baby! My data is BLAZING at the glorious speed of light - no earthy molecules slowing me down! It's like Prozac AND Provigil for your computer!

Ahem, anyway...

Until I catch up with everything, here's a Christmas gift idea: rest your martini glass on a vintage silk coaster:

Is this what it has come to, folks? Now we're making COASTERS out of 'em??! I can tell you, vintage silk is NOT terribly effective at soaking up water, but I suppose that's not the point, is it?

I have this erie feeling that I'm a niche demographic caught in the cross-hairs...